A Look Back at Where I Have Been - It is NOT Pretty

I have been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days trying to convince myself I have come a long way and am ready for this weekend.  It was interesting/scary/outright terrifying to really take a hard look at where I have been in roughly the last 15 years.

I went from 150something pounds, less than 10% body fat, a size 6/8, training 3-4 hours a day (yeah, single, no kids!) and feeling like my body could handle almost anything that came my way (except for perhaps those 26.2 miles of a marathon!) to, at my heaviest, 225 lbs (ouch, I actually WROTE that), Lord knows HOW much body fat, a size 16/18, aching feet and knees even when I got up in the morning from carrying all that weight, not being able to hoist myself up on a wave runner when fell off (that had to be one of the MOST humiliating moments of my life), depressed and introverted.  It was at this time that I sat in a reproductive endocrinologist's office hearing her say "You know, if you just lost some weight, you might just get pregnant."  I got angry, I was humiliated, I thought to myself "I have PCOS you B***ch, that is why I am fat, that is why I can't have a baby!"  And, that night, I just cried.  Looking back, it was partially the PCOS, it was the fertility meds, but is also was just such a deep hatred of all that was going on and of myself that led to a whole host of poor choices that manifested itself in my obesity (WOW, I just WROTE THAT!) and poor health (and don't forget self-loathing).  There are so many things I can look back at and say "hmmmm, that was an issue" or "that was seriously a poor habit/choice."  Those individual items are all posts on their own, and will be forthcoming.

But that Dr's words haunted me.  I joined WeightWatchers at work and lost 22 lbs.  And, suddenly, I found myself pregnant with my first little girl.  I don't think it was purely a function of weight, but I do think it was one of the factors.  I gained 60 pounds with my pregnancy.  But once she was born, I focused on providing a healthy home for her.  We were active (not training type active, but "family" type active), we ate right because, well, what I ate fed her through breast milk.  And, surprisingly, by her first birthday, I was 12 pounds under where I started my pregnancy.  By the time she was 18 months old, I was down to 160-something pounds.  And, truly, it was all from a lifestyle change - not intensive training.  That was 4 years ago.

In the last three to four years, my weight has gone up and down with two more pregnancies.  But each time, for the most part, I have returned to the same lifestyle I had developed as a result of caring about my child's eating habits, and, for the most part, I have been able to control my weight within ten pounds. 

I started training briefly after my second daughter turned one year old, saw some results, but quickly became pregnant with my son.  Again, I picked up training when he was about 5 months old.  Today I am down to 160-something pounds, verging on the 150's.  I am once again a size 8.  And, I FEEL good.  But really, my training makes me feel great and strong, but is not the reason for my weight loss - in fact, I am gaining a bit as I gain muscle mass.  The key has been lifestyle changes.  Portion control, quality of food, looking at food as a fuel rather than a social event, controlling alcohol intake, cooking, and having a "family active" lifestyle.  These elements are all the things I hope to share!  All in good time, one post at a time.

For whatever reason, I felt it was time for me to put this out there.  I know I talk a lot about my triathlon training - that is MY thing.  It just IS.  But that is not what this is all about - you don't need to do a Tri.  [but if you want to learn more about it, bring on the questions, because YOU CAN do a Tri, just ask - and just believe it!].  But I want to share what I have learned, what I have seen, what I have suffered through and enjoyed, hoping that I can inspire others to have that "family active" lifestyles.  Frankly, training for an event can come and go, but your healthy "family active" lifestyle is forever.

So, in short, I confess:  all of the above.  Thoughts and comments are more than welcome.

(WOW, I can't believe I just WROTE all THAT!)